Work is the province of cattle.
- Dorothy Parker

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
- Dorothy Parker

That would be a good thing for them to carve on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
- Dorothy Parker

You can drag a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.
- Dorothy Parker

Salary is no object; I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.
- Dorothy Parker

Women and elephants never forget.
- Dorothy Parker

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
- Dorothy Parker

Where’s the man could ease the heart Like a satin gown?
- Dorothy Parker

The only ism Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.
- Dorothy Parker

You can’t teach an old dogma new tricks.
- Dorothy Parker

Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.
- Dorothy Parker

A girl’s best friend is her mutter.
- Dorothy Parker

People are more fun than anybody.
- Dorothy Parker

Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
- Dorothy Parker

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.
- Dorothy Parker

Poisons pain you; Rivers are damp; Acid stains you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live.
- Dorothy Parker

Lips that taste of tears, they say are the best for kissing.
- Dorothy Parker

Razors pain you; rivers are damp; acids stain you; and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful; you might as well live.
- Dorothy Parker

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.
- Dorothy Parker

Now, look, baby, ‘Union’ is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.
- Dorothy Parker

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
- Dorothy Parker

Of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, Parker said: “This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”
- Dorothy Parker

All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.
- Dorothy Parker

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
- Dorothy Parker

Ducking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life.
- Dorothy Parker

Four be the things I’d have been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.
- Dorothy Parker

I don’t care what anybody says about me as long as it isn’t true.
- Dorothy Parker

He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.
- Dorothy Parker