Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet

fired from my gun.

Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in

monkey poop.

I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your

bail.

If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.

I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours at least you know someone who can post your

bail.

In God we trust, all others are suspects.

In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.

Just how big were those two beers?

Life’s tough, it’s tougher if you’re stupid.

No, sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we

want.

Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.

So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?

Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.

The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not: Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?

The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.

Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.

Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.

Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?

You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t.