Woody Allen Qutoes and Sayings

Posted by Brian

Woody Allen was born on 1 December 1935 in New York City. He is a writer comedian, actor, and American film director. He has made intense dramas that have made him a successful and respectful American Director. His family was Jewish and grandparents were Yiddish, he spoke Yiddish during his childhood, at the age of eight he went to Public School 99 and Midwood High School. His nickname was Red due to his red hair. He was extraordinary talented so the co-students were easily impressed by him. At the age of sixteen he got his first writing job. His real name was Allan Stewart Konigsberg and this is the time he changed his name to Woody Allen. In 1965 he got his first movie to produce, he did its script writing and initial screenplay, the name of the movie was “What’s New, Pussycat?” Allen continues to write roles for the neurotic persona he created in the 1960s and 1970s. Woody Allen has won three Academy Awards and been nominated a total of 21 times.

Woody Allen Qutoes and Sayings

As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
– Woody Allen

Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.
– Woody Allen

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
– Woody Allen

Death doesn’t really worry me that much, I’m not frightened about it… I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
– Woody Allen

Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.
– Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
– Woody Allen

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
– Woody Allen

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
– Woody Allen

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
– Woody Allen

I don’t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
– Woody Allen

I don’t have to ‘freedom-kiss’ my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
– Woody Allen

I don’t think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
– Woody Allen

If it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.
– Woody Allen

If my films don’t show a profit, I know I’m doing something right.
– Woody Allen

It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
– Woody Allen

Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right.
– Woody Allen

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.
– Woody Allen

Love is the answer – but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.
– Woody Allen

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
– Woody Allen

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
– Woody Allen

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
– Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
– Woody Allen

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .
– Woody Allen

Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once.
– Woody Allen

When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
– Woody Allen

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
– Woody Allen

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
– Woody Allen


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